Feel like I’m constantly cleaning then ripping the house apart as put stuff safe then can’t find it and been searching all night know it’s definitely in the house yet now super anxious as run out places to check I already cleaned and moved everything down stairs and now looks like a bomb went off as spent 3 hours ripping one bedroom apart and 5-6 on the other and I need to go away for an op yet scared im so broken I won’t get there and back and don’t think can take my MC there with me as I did Google and it said not to as just get hassled but take me 5 hours to airport then 3 hours check in then 4-5 hour flight and ops then back again all within a week or less yet I could do with rest either side yet already so grateful my friend will use his leave from work hopefully still and stay with my dogs as can’t put in kennels and did look at house sitter/dog yet all got different needs and so if my friend does it they know and trust him as there very different since we lost dad there grieving too and terrified to upset or hurt them more as one already had a stoke before yet be hard to tell if didn’t know but he’s lost his confidence and that’s the hardest part as he’s an amazing dog truly is he’s found all my tumours before drs or scans yet I don’t know now if he still can he struggles with his dinner yet don’t really understand why as eats and drinks out of other bowls yet to get him to eat all have to scoop and feed off my hand like a horse xMorning all, been overdoing it and busting pacing limits so need to slow down a lot. Mac-1+ tends to stop me doing much for an hour or so, not locked to the chair, but to the music and will zone out, get some brain Alpha waves flowing
Mrs oldbloke will be here later today, flying in. She has been away running a cultural project and is now returning at lastWe used to travel a lot but I got stuck here as I cannot now fly, or get to the airport for that matter. That's hard for a life long traveller, hopefully strength will return.
So I may be here a little less for a while, as I now have to start dusting the dust and polishing the cat before it's too late!





