Maybe lay off the pill medications at least if not all atm I’ve been where you are my friend your tears are healing you slowly .don’t go looking for a pill or a puff it’s better to have all you senses when times like this happen you need to get out and excercise things will get easier just ride the storm
I’m really confused the medication I have us all prescription so I definitely wouldn’t take them if had any options!! And most others didn’t get on with like fentanyl
and told them I don’t want my instant brake though liquid as made a hole in a wooden table took laquor off another and made a whole in the carpet
so decided I’d have to deal with the pain and go without but feels like just labels me some pill popping junky thanks just what I needed when at my lowest
and last thing I am only thing ever touched is smoke and my prescription meds as iv got terminal cancer yet not died as quick as expected sorry and was a social worker for kids in care and prison till
Too sick to work
and trying to stay alive even tho nothing to live for since my dad was murdered
even less now getting labels it’s bad enough the way people look at me as I’m so thin but guess the pills you would say
But no this is a very hurtful post Indeed iv never been unkind to anyone
I get 60 mg of oxycodone morning and night slow realise yet don’t get a hit as pain to bad and uoto 45mg of diazepam yet most days only take 20 as my muscles can lock and I end up on the floor and my dad isn’t here now so iv been on the stone tiled floor several hours till iv been able to drag myself or the dogs try to bring me round
But try to only take 10mg with my morning meds and 10mg with the night so when having a bad day and need to sleep as been awake 22/7 since lost my dad at best I get 2 hours a couple of times a week and don’t even know how possible to be alive with no sleep or food
and it’s obviously making me more sick
Yet now I feel I don’t have any safe space I can soeak if get accused of being an addict or something when you barley know anything about me maybe ask as not someone that’s actually spoken to me just decided to lable me instead (nice guy)
Iv no immune system in too weak for chemo
And radiation after 14 rounds Iv given it a good go
Iv not eaten solids for 3 years as my face collapsed and trying to organise gettting it fixed
as what me and my dad had planned and then was ment to be better hope of quality life for us both yet he’s been killed and iv now no family no next of kin and barley any friends as kept to ourselves especially since covid
Iv not even eaten even mush since Xmas I can’t been lining off got chocolate yet even that’s got hard and my weight has dropped to around 5 stole and bmi I’m organ failure zone as under 14 bmi so it’s really terrifying being me we can swap If you think you can cope better
My dad was my whole world bought me up and protected me as my mother abused me last attacked me with a hammer when got diagnosed with cancer iv also an auto immune problem and
No end of tumour touching my spine and other areas that can’t be removed
But clearly you know it all
So feel it’s ok to lable me and it’s not im
Going though hell
And last thing I need is putting down and made out to be something im
Not iv scrips to show all
Meds are prescribed Im 5 stone so not hanging on street corners to buy drugs had some nasty comments before but this one has finished me off
and know where I’m not welcome
made me feel disgusting when I’m not the one done anything wrong
trying to get though each day when alone and hanent seen anyone for a month or more and getting shit for needing abit of sleep
that already felt gully enough about so won’t be getting any more of that either
and won’t be posting here again as feel so embarrassed and ashamed basically been called a junkie
I give up I’m trying so so fucking hard but what’s the point there no reason to carry on trying anymore now when clearly people are going to think and feel like you and iv been through enough just want to be with my dad even more now and not bother trying to have any future as it was pointless anyway always people like you to knock me down
and exercise I used to walk miles a day but I only have one leg that works right and I can’t walk or stand straight but hay you know exactly what I need even if it’s impossible anyway sorry to the people that were kind take care all
and I had half bar pollen low grade apple and banana the wrapper said but the smoke wasn’t the best colour and I generally prefer flower like the dark hash and blacks give me that thick headband headache I get from the vapes and Ed’s il have to try this live resin vape see if it’s better the d9 distillate not liking and uc got some plain of that think 10g and then few g of dos I dos one was adding to try to knock me out and all sugers and resins iv tried yet none are for me or the 2kg of Ed’s and 30g is 2,000mg THC so there crazy string and got some that are 1000mg a small jar then some bags 500mg but yeah there not for me and they taste nice but just there unpredictable and I got them in bulk as over doses and off cuts but just as good or would be in liked Ed’s iv even some rick so someone black stuff goes under your only one can’t smoke as purged from alcohol but yeah it’s frustrating as got all that that want rid of and just want flowers that help at least I’m not expecting the world as my heads in a mess but just need to be able to least lift my arms and have less pain as been sick it’s hurting so much today
